The content of this piece was written during a viewing of the first five episodes of Hetalia, on September 15, 2010. Edits The box-art for Hetaliahave been made for spelling and grammar, but the rest is completely untouched, and un-edited from its original format.

I really need to look into a better introductory paragraph soon.

9:29: Good evening, everybody. Tonight, I’ll be covering [email protected]’s release of Hetalia: Axis Powers.

9:29: Each episode is 5 minutes long, so uh… I guess I’ll do 5 or 6 of them? o_o Ehe..

9:29: I’ll play it by ear.

9:30: Anyway, some basic info:

9:30: Directed by Bob Shirohata (Gravitation, Diamond Daydreams)

9:30: Character designs by Masaaki Kannan (Oishinbo, Urusei Yatsura, Rurouni Kenshin)

9:30: Animated by Studio Deen (Hell Girl, Marimite, You’re Under Arrest!)

9:32: Before I go on, yes, this is the show that pissed off Korea. :P

9:33: And, unlike a number of anime DVDs these days, this one has actual extras :D Disc 1 has commentaries, disc 2 is all extras

9:33: Anyway, I’ve wasted enough time explaining. Let’s get started. :)

9:34: “Alrighty, then :D Let’s start the World Conference! :D” …America talks like an Osakan >_>;

9:35: Looks like episode 1 is a big “Here’s everyone :D” episode

9:35: And America leads off…

9:35: And he’s as stupid as we really are ‘_’ I dunno if I should laugh at the truthing, or be insulted… ah, I’ll laugh :D

9:36: Wow.. France is a dick.

9:36: And America and England beat down on him. “Don’t make an important decision based on taste, you wine-loving bastard! T_T”

9:37: Aw, poor China. :( Nobody wants his candy

9:37: They’d rather kill France…. and Russia has a raepface toward Lithuania >_> uhhh

9:37: Yeah.. a real, no-foolin raepface

9:38: Hah.. Belarus is a murderous bitch! :D

9:39: Greece is asleep on the job… shouldn’t he be corrupt as hell? >_>

9:39: And Germany? Freaking strict. WHile Italy’s retarded.

9:40: … Aiya, so fast o_o

9:40: Roman Empire = manly man to the extreme.

9:40: “DURING DABAWYU DABAWYU WAN! :O”

9:41: Germany’s giving a monologue… fun

9:41: “I easily crossed the border with a wooden stick ‘_’ ” …sounds about right

9:42: Germany spies a box… of tomatoes >_>

9:42: “TO BE CONTINUED >:o” and Chibi bonus :D

9:42: This is so cute that it’s giving me diabetes.

9:43: And credits O_o

9:43: This goes down smooth

9:43: And the ending theme is catchy, if not corny as all hell

9:43: Back to Germany

9:43: “The Time was WW1 >:o”

9:44: And he’s going for the tomatoes :D

9:44: “I’m a tomato box fairy :O” Good going, Solid Snake T_T

9:44: “What will seeing my internal organs do?! :O” -facepalm-

9:44: Aw… Italy’s a wuss. :D It’s somehow adorable

9:45: “Don’t shoot me! ;o; I’ll do anything, so don’t shoot!” …and that’s how Germany and Italy became friends in this twisted show :D

9:45: “I’m a virgin ;o;” uh… TMI o_o

9:46: So many liner notes onscreen ;-; It’s distracting! Ugh! Liner booklet PLZ D:

9:46: Grr T_T Anyway, back to the show. :D

9:47: “I’m a playful guy who likes pasta and pizza ^_^” Oh, Italy. -hands on hips-

9:47: Poor Germany’s stuck with him, I think :P

9:47: “I feel that we can be frien-” “POW!”

9:47: Italy’s crying again… and writhing in pain. wtf ‘-‘

9:48: More Chibitalia – Everyone chasing each other to make them join the Holy Roman Empire

9:48: XD “Just leave them be :D Wanna have some churros? :D” “Waaaaai~ <3”

9:49: History lesson go.

9:49: Again, getting diabetes

9:49: Wow… Italy makes a good hackey sack o_o

9:49: “And once again, the time was WW1 >:o” – Italy’s a prisoner… and, well.. yeah

9:50: A very happy prisoner

9:50: “As long as I’m here, I get fed, and don’t ahve to fight :D” good logic

9:50: Italy is a winner XD just traipsed out of jail and got tons of girls… then traipsed back in

9:51: Next episode already

9:52: And Poor Germany’s still being tormented by adorable Italy. “I wrote a song for you :D” yeah… Italy’s a wuss >_> Where’s the mafiosi side?

9:52: And we have sing-along time :D

9:52: “And the women are big too >_>”

9:53: Hah. Germany got fed up and mailed Italy home like Garfield mails Nermal

9:53: …the war’s… over now? I guess >_> And France went loco… this is going at breakneck speed

9:54: Again with the damn LINER NOTES! UGH! This is worse than some fansubs I’ve seen!

9:54: I’ll post a cap later… this one literally had text taking up 3/4 of the screen

9:55: Anyway, back to the show. >_>

9:55: Germany’s pissy ’cause France is having him make… cuckoo clocks?

9:55: “He [Italy] really was a strange guy T_T”

9:55: …he was :D

9:56: “Germany, give me a job! My family suddenly became poor!”

9:56: hah… Italy’s making marks for Germany :D

9:56: And it’s now WWII – Third Reich, Sieg Heil, and all that stuff… or something :P

9:57: “That brawny bastard! T_T”

9:57: “Italy has become Germany’s ally! ;-;” Looks like nobody wants poor Italy

9:58: And an adorable explanation for the rise of Mussolini. Go figure. >_> “Let’s be friends :D” “I see, friends :D Let’s be friends! :D”

9:59: …that didn’t last >_>

9:59: Now to the Japanese front… I think

9:59: Japan looks soulless >_>

10:01: “My hobby is to sense the mood and refrain from speaking :3” …and look like a Vulcan

10:01: Looks like the Axis of Evil is forming already – and Italy’s hitting on the Japanese women. wtf

10:01: Kitty! :D

10:03: Hah. :D joke about how Japan’s great at making everything smaller

10:03: And in thousands of varieties

10:03: And mechs.

10:04: Have to have mech jokes

10:04: “Miniaturize me :D” oh, Italy. :)

10:04: …O_o Wow! Japan making a “tiny Japanese dick” joke.

10:05: “What the heck is this? :O” Here come the rape

10:05: Or not – back to diabetesland

10:05: Heh.. poor chibi-Italy got conquered

10:06: Aw. He’s crying :( And being forced to work as Austria’s bitch… er… servant

10:06: “Do you serve pasta meals? ‘-‘” “We don’t T_T”

10:07: Back to Japan… who’s not evil AT ALL #OhHeavensNo

10:07: Germany’s about fed up with both of ’em >_>

10:09: And, since they’re only 5 minutes long, I’ll judge the dub for the last episode – this one could work well in English.

10:10: …Or not. >_> Italy sounds like Super Mario, Germany like Ahh-nuld, and Japan like a stereotype. Back to Japanese it is.

10:11: Anyway… Italy = childish… and enjoying the beach, complete with “Wai wai :D” cries

10:11: hah.. they’re stranded

10:12: “I made preparations to become your ally :D” and he presents? FOOD! :O -sigh- that joke’s getting old now

10:12: And now he has… surrender flags. :D That’s actually kinda funny. :3

10:13: This reminds me of the “Kyon-kun! Kyon-kun! :O” Churuya comics. :D

10:13: And the liner notes T____T rargh.

10:15: “I only have Mr. Machiavelli :(” “Sorry, we can’t use him >_>” literary jokes are fun :D

10:15: Back to the beach… where we get a crude civics lesson >_>

10:15: And more screen-filling text. -_- -sigh- This is bad

10:16: More food jokes from Italy… Oh, you. :D

10:16: Back to Diabetes-ville

10:16: Where Italy’s working as a child slave/maid

10:17: An he defaced a priceless painting. d’aww

10:17: Team Name go. “What do you think about ‘Axis’? :3”

10:19: “In Italian, it would be Asse! :D” …of course >_>

10:19: The next day: The Allies spy… or something

10:19: And credits.

10:19: That makes 5 episodes :D

10:19: Verdict?

10:20: Well the show is pretty good. Very cute, and when the jokes work? They REALLY work. :)

10:20: However, the pacing is very cramped – 5 minute episodes with 3 segments each make it feel rushed at points.

10:20: Also, the Chibitalia parts make me feel like I am going to go into sugar shock >_>

10:21: My biggest gripe is with the subtitles.

10:21: The actual subs are fine, but whenever ANY onscreen text appears? BARRAGE of liner notes.

10:22: There have literally been points where I’m staring at maybe 3/4 of a screen filled with text upon text.

10:22: It looks ugly, and feels very unprofessional in the final product.

10:23: If you can stand that, definitely give the show a shot. There are definitely worse ways to kill 5 minutes.

10:36: Again – WAY too much screen text: http://twitpic.com/2otsqe #Hetalia

Hetalia: Axis Powers is currently available through FUNimation.

The full series can be purchased at The Right Stuf International