The content of this piece was written during a viewing of the first episode of Magical Girl Pretty Sammy on October 2, 2010. Edits have been made for spelling and grammar, but the rest is completely untouched, and un-edited from its original format.

If you’ve ever wondered what absolute suck is, look no further. From the unending question of why the hell Ryo-Ohki is talking, to the nonsensical character rearrangements, this show just left me freaking baffled.


4:58 PM: Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to a bonus #AIC themed show blog!

4:58 PM: Today, I finish what I started with a review of Magical Girl Pretty Sammy. If you caught Monday’s run, you know you’re in for some rage!

4:59 PM: Anyway, I’d like to just get the essentials out of the way so we can get this one moving. :D

5:00 PM: Directed by Kazuyuki Hirokawa (Tattoon Master, Galactic Patrol Lensman)

5:00 PM: Script by Yousuke Kuroda (Battle Athletes Victory, Hayate the Combat Butler)

5:01 PM: Produced by AIC

5:02 PM: So, without further ado, let’s BRING ON THE SUCK!

5:03 PM: Open to a magical world… Jurai I guess?

5:04 PM: Tsunami and Ramia are being judged to be the ruler of the planet, to be decided by 108 priests

5:04 PM: So it’s a popularity contest. >_>

5:05 PM: “The time has come :3” A bit confident there, aren’t we, Ramia?

5:05 PM: “The ruler will be… TSUNAMI >:o” Cue shots of pissed Ramia >_>

5:06 PM: And Tsunami chooses her candidate to test her worthiness for the crown. OK? ‘_’

5:06 PM: And it is? :O -suspense!-

5:06 PM: …WHAT THE FUCK

5:07 PM: Logically speaking HOW THE HELL can it be Sasami? Tsunami IS Sasami in some fucked up twist of lore. This was established. >_>

5:07 PM: And… she lives with some lady… who likes Karaoke? >_>

5:08 PM: And Tenchi. ‘_’ wtf

5:08 PM: Is that… Rica Matsumoto playing Sasami’s roommate?

5:08 PM: -look- yep.

5:08 PM: …Back to the show >_> Sasami done goofed.

5:09 PM: Sorry – TSUNAMI. Though the two should be interchangable…

5:09 PM: Hah :D 1990s dub overlays are funny

5:09 PM: So far, I have no faith in this. And we’re just at the credits! :D

5:10 PM: Holy crap naked Sasami in credits. >_> #Disturbed!

5:11 PM: Show starting proper now… and there’s Ryoko. “I NO UNDERSTAND JAPANESE :D”

5:12 PM: And Sasami meets her little friend >_>

5:12 PM: Back to Ryoko, who kicked some ass. Fun.

5:12 PM: And she’s hot for Tenchi. “Haanii-chan :D”

5:12 PM: “Ryoko, did you get in another fight! T_T” “What gives you THAT idea? :3” I dunno… the pile of unconscious ’80s girls?

5:13 PM: Hah… dead weight flies like paper airplanes in this world

5:13 PM: …And Ryoko’s showing off her panties. Sorry – bloomers. >_> Saabisu, saabisu!

5:14 PM: “We’re in public, you know T_T” Yeah… you don’t show off your undies in public >_>

5:14 PM: And Sasami’s jealous. Hah.

5:14 PM: This is totally ripping off Project A-Ko now. Ayeka’s apparently the snotty rich girl everyone hates. >_> So yeah… B-Ko to a T

5:14 PM: And she lusts after C-Ko, I mean Tenchi

5:15 PM: “Makes me feel SOMETHING :3” “Feel something? WHERE? :O” good question

5:15 PM: More Ryoko bloomers as a catfight brews between her and Ayeka. #saabisu

5:16 PM: Ouch… Tenchi walked right in to a dual facepunch.

5:16 PM: Poor C-Ko gets abused by A-Ko and B-Ko in this episode D:

5:17 PM: “My perfect record is ruined ;-;” Cheer up, B-ko. Don’t go… uh… she went insane >_>

5:17 PM: And C-Ko walks right into MORE abuse. Oh wait… this is Tenchi, isn’t it?

5:17 PM: WHY IS RYO-OHKI TALKING?!

5:17 PM: Fact: Sasami kicks ass in dodgeball

5:18 PM: And her friend is on acid. She sees the birds, the BIRDS :O

5:18 PM: “Whaddya think that bird was? o_o” Drug vision

5:19 PM: Heh. That doesn’t get old, though – Tenchi being chased by Ryoko, who’s being chased by Ayeka

5:19 PM: And Sasami’s talking bad about her “brother” >_> Riiiiight

5:20 PM: Misao’s home now… and her mom’s gonna be late. :(

5:20 PM: Didn’t take long for her to get out the acid >_> She’s seeing that bird again… and her eyes are glazing over

5:20 PM: Meanwhile, Sasami says NO to drugs :D But… runs into Kiyone and… -SIGH- Mihoshi

5:21 PM: “Would you do me a favor? :D Bring this CD to that giant house across town? :D”

5:22 PM: “IT’S SCARY ;O;” Both Kiyone and Sasami give her “mom” the perfect expression

5:22 PM: “But you can send your daughter? -_-” “YEP :D”

5:22 PM: Into the mansion she goes… and it’s abandoned.

5:23 PM: Tsunami appears out of nowhere and confronts herself. Yet Sasami doesn’t question the girl materializing out of THIN AIR

5:23 PM: “My name is Tsunami :D” “Nice to meet you :D -float-”

5:24 PM: “Magic only happens in games :O” And Tsunami makes the disc play magically. Great use of power

5:24 PM: “You’re gonna be a magical girl :D PRETTY SAMMY :D” I, meanwhile, die on the inside

5:25 PM: …WHY THE FUCK IS RYO OHKI TALKING?!

5:25 PM: “Hold the stick and say PRETTY MUTATION :O” wat.

5:25 PM: …Oh… boy… naked Sasami again -_-

5:26 PM: And she looks like a china doll. “It’s a hand me down :D” Tsunami’s got odd taste. >_>

5:26 PM: Hah! And Sasami sees that, too. Disturbing thought of Tsunami in magical girl gear

5:26 PM: “You can use magic only when in these clothes :D BYE! -leave-”

5:26 PM: And Tsunami’s rival is having a temper tantrum

5:27 PM: And the bird returns… as a kid.

5:27 PM: wat

5:28 PM: The next day :D Washu’s driving around looking for something… and Sasami’s friend is having rape dreams. Lovely

5:28 PM: …Ohp – there’s Sasami to kick ass. “YOU’RE GETTING POPULAR :O” Uhhhh

5:29 PM: “Nice to meetcha :D” “Don’t mention is >_>” “This’s gonna hurt ONE TWO PUNCH :D” “THAT REALLY HURTS D:” …what the fuck, Sasami?

5:29 PM: Hah! Even in dreams, people laugh at her stupid costume

5:30 PM: “It was a dream D:” Yep. And there’s Ryo-Oh-Ki to break her brain

5:30 PM: I know she broke mine. Why is she taking? D:

5:30 PM: Off to Kiyone and Mihoshi… Mihoshi’s talking. T_T “You’re a busy college student and I FAILED entrance eams T_T” Poor Kiyone ‘_’

5:31 PM: Mihoshi makes her rage like me

5:31 PM: “I’m moving in today :D” “You have good manners for a little girl :D” uhh…

5:31 PM: Now she’s telling a sob story :D Mindfuck?

5:31 PM: Oh god stop crying Mihoshi T_T

5:32 PM: Hah :D I love Washu – she’s great at using people

5:32 PM: And she made Mihoshi and Washu late for work. … and Mihoshi proves how retarded she is.

5:33 PM: Kiyone and Sasami chillin’ out in the record store. #Feelsgoodman

5:34 PM: Hah! Unintentional hilarity :D “Mama had to go to the next town to do this :D -opens mouth, holds closed fist close to her mouth-

5:34 PM: I know it should be singing, but that looked so SO wrong

5:34 PM: … Wat. >_> Ryoko is screwing Tenchi now?

5:35 PM: And Misao’s lured by the music. How convenient >_>

5:35 PM: “He disappeared :3” “He’s my papa D:” Awk-warrrrrrd

5:35 PM: More awkward – Ryoko trudges out of Tenchi’s room undressed, moaning for Tenchi >_>

5:36 PM: Back to Washu doing what she does best :3

5:36 PM: Ohp – this turned back into Project A-Ko

5:37 PM: “You slept into Tenchi’s house :3” And Ayeka reveals her true identity as Lei Fang

5:37 PM: Cue catfight

5:37 PM: And C-Ko’s gonna walk right into the punch again. Sorry, I mean Tenchi >_>

5:38 PM: Or not – he stayed out and let ’em get their asses kicked >_>

5:38 PM: And Misao angsts

5:39 PM: And birdboy takes her away >_> Back to the fight

5:39 PM: “They don’t have to stop it! :3” Oh, Misao

5:39 PM: She turned into a whore :D

5:39 PM: Magical Girl Pretty Misa :D

5:39 PM: “We got another weirdo, don’t we? >_>” Amen, Washu

5:40 PM: And now, she turns Ayeka and Ryoko into giant jelly things? ‘-‘ wat

5:40 PM: “RETSU BEGEEN :D”

5:40 PM: WTF

5:41 PM: They’re hugging Tenchi to death D:

5:41 PM: “HOW DID A MAGICAL GIRL GET HERE?!” HOW ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING, RYO-OH-KI?!

5:41 PM: Transform time.

5:42 PM: And now she kicks ass – IN THE NAME OF THE MOON :O

5:42 PM: Everyone: “Wut ‘_’ ”

5:43 PM: “She’s a magical girl all right :3” SHE SHOOTS LASERS T_T

5:43 PM: “Love Love monsters, go love Sammy to death :D” Here comest the rape

5:43 PM: And Sammy fails at Magical Girl battle

5:44 PM: Sammy makes a good hackey sack :D

5:44 PM: Kiyone has the right idea – “I didn’t see anything ‘_’ ”

5:45 PM: Aww – Tenchi saves the day with his apology. How… trite

5:45 PM: And flashbacks are go – I LOVE YOU BECAUSE –

5:46 PM: “I can see what they’re thinking about :3” That’s a lame super power

5:46 PM: And Ayeka and Ryoko moan orgasmically ‘_’ wat

5:47 PM: Finishing attack is GO – and Sammy gets a more absurd outfit. wat.

5:47 PM: She is WINRAR – and Misa leaves a cowardly note – “AI SHARU RETAAN :D” Engrish is fun

5:48 PM: …And C-Ko, I mean Tenchi, gets his ass kicked anyway

5:48 PM: “What have I done? D:” wouldn’t YOU like to know?

5:48 PM: “Tenchi doesn’t get true love :3” so he’s a bigamist?

5:48 PM: “You’re the chosen one I have chosen <3” Retarded dialogue is retarded

5:49 PM: “I want to know about Misa T_T” I dunno :D” “really? ^_^” “yeah! ^_^ Ahahaha” bad liar ftl

5:49 PM: “Why can’t you get along D:” They won’t til you boink one of ’em, Tenchi >_>

5:50 PM: And they’re all late…. again -_- -SIGH- Looks like Washu’s the new science teacher :D #win

10:43 PM: A bit later than expected due to Twitter limits, but here goes:

10:44 PM: Verdict: This is absolute garbage.

10:44 PM: Seriously, I’d rather watch GENESHAFT than deal with more of this tripe.

10:44 PM: Avoid it if you can.

10:45 PM: Seriously – this show does more harm to Tenchi as a brand than the last OVA.

10:46 PM: I’ll do my best to try to forget this one, though I worry that it’ll haunt my nightmares for a while to come