The content of this piece was written during a viewing of the first two episodes of Heat Guy J, on January 25, 2010. Edits have been made for spelling and grammar, but the rest is completely untouched, and un-edited from its original format.

…yeah, I don’t read these, either.

9:43 PM: Tonight, I’ll be giving my gut reactions on infamous Geneon money pit Heat Guy J.

9:43 PM: According to a recent ANNCast, this one never even came CLOSE to making money.

9:43 PM: A shame, since the pedigree seems to be pretty good. Lots of Escaflowne staff. But… I’ll see why this did so poorly in a minute.

9:44 PM: Character designs by Nobuteru Yuki

9:44 PM: Created, Directed, Planned, and Storyboarded by Kazuki Akane

9:44 PM: Some primo voice talent, including Daisuke Sakaguchi, Ai Shimizu, and Saeko Chiba.

9:45 PM: So let’s see why this show tanked harder than Cats On Ice. ;)

9:46 PM: Funeral time… with RAWKIN GUITAR >:o

9:48 PM: Apparently, for some guy named Vampire… don of the Leotellis

9:49 PM: …apparently, this is a “Family” affair. Arrivaderci Vito!

9:50 PM: J can identify people just by widening his eyes. Badass.

9:52 PM: “That man is the Don’s only son.” I can see where this is going. :)

9:52 P4: “Daisuke! Daisuke Auroroa! :O” He’s ON A BOAT!

9:53 PM: Looks like don’s son has daddy issues. And a case of the crazies. Not many pull a grenade at funerals

9:53 PM: Things anime taught me: Mafia men can run as fast as the flash and throw like Nolan Ryan

9:53 PM: Daddy issues confirmed. “Papa… it’s fireworks :3 You liked them, didn’t you?”

9:54 PM: And credit time. Rock rap?

9:54 PM: “He say HEY! BOY! LUKIN FO YO SOUL!” Engrish ftw

9:58 PM: Typical DOOK DOOK DOOK techno with city shots… there has to be a requirement about that or something.

9:58 PM: Cool! Che Guevara posters!

9:59 PM: Looks like Hitomi from Escaflowne is a weather girl in this. Go fig.

9:59 PM: Pink haired lady with folding bike. It’s San Francisco without the smug!

10:00 PM: Pink haired girl = Kyoko, apparently. J has the hots for her.

10:01 PM: Another character: Misia… sounds like he got hit in the head one too many times. That, or he’s high on lithium. I can’t decide.

10:01 PM: Daisuke looks girlier than Kyoko.

10:04 PM: “Illegal immigrants have shown up in the Bay area.” Is this anime, or Lou Dobbs?

10:05 PM: Shanty town… and a giant statue of a naked lady. The future is weird, but so awesome ’cause it’s not now.

10:06 PM: “How about an antique, paper-printed photograph?” Wonder if we’ll ever get to that level.

10:06 PM: Monica = adorable photographer girl… with a mean streak.

10:07 PM: All the whores love Daisuke. He’s a freakin’ pimp.

10:07 PM: J – looks around bar… something tells me an ass-whuppin’ is on us.

10:08 PM: Awesome. Old Japanese guy in a cowboy hat!

10:08 PM: blah blah mafia warfare blah blah Vampire

10:09 PM: Daisuke finds cigarette butts fascinating… and enjoys walking into closed cafes.

10:10 PM: This is getting interesting! :) Dead body.

10:10 PM: Daisuke’s getting chewed out by a cop now. Edimundo?

10:10 PM: Edmundo?

10:11 PM: Stallone guy in crowd now… the chase is on!

10:11 PM: Little girly man running to take down a guy the size of a bear.

10:12 PM: In the future, rednecks will weep. Daisuke granted only 4 bullets for his gun.

10:13 PM: Those shades… they’re SO 1980! XD

10:13 PM: But with the pimp smile, Daisuke’s stylin’

10:13 PM: Here comes Russiaman… who runs at the speed of sound

10:15 PM: …He’s apparently an illegal immigrant. And (pretty obviously) a robot

10:15 PM: Channeling Lou Dobbs: “You’re not allowed to exist here.”

10:16 PM: Immigrant man Power UP!

10:16 PM: Fight scene go!

10:16 PM: …That was quick. :(

10:16 PM: “Call your machine.”

10:17 PM: And here he is… coincidentally, of course. ;)

10:17 PM: Banter time. “I hope you get rusty in the rain!”

10:19 PM: More fightin’ – pretty epic stuff this time. Running up buildings, robo face punching… it’s all good

10:19 PM: “Heat Guy” mentioned – wtf is a heat guy… and why is J sprouting exhaust pipes?

10:20 PM: Daisuke rides Knight Rider… or Schpeltiger. I’m not sure which yet.

10:21 PM: J’s on a boat! which is full of Lucky Strikes… I think

10:22 PM: Now for The Reveal (TM)

10:23 PM: Convenient sniper fire ruins a climactic moment. boo.

10:24 PM: Daisuke is apparently every action star ever made: “My dad was killed by machines.” … … … Cliche~!

10:25 PM: And the ending credits – Schpeltiger rolling down the street as the credits roll.

10:25 PM: Produced by Pioneer Entertainment… dag.

10:25 PM: Makes me feel old to see that

10:26 PM: One episode down, and I have to admit… this is better than I expected.

10:27 PM: The pacing’s a bit wonkish, but there’s potential for it to become something good.

10:28 PM: I’ll be keeping my eye on this, going forward.

10:30 PM: For now though? One more episode. :)

10:31 PM: Oooo~ night time… Mysterious :o

10:31 PM: …There’s that giant boob statue again >_>

10:32 PM: How cliche – mobsters running a casino… discussing the family’s future

10:32 PM: Apparently, the mafia is like a corporation now?

10:32 PM: …and what the effing heck?

10:33 PM: Don’s son Clair… cutting himself and pouring his blood into wine… and..

10:33 PM: wth?

10:34 PM: They’re DRINKING IT?! O_o

10:34 PM: That’s just… ick.

10:35 PM: Back to Daisuke and Kyoko.

10:35 PM: “Huh? Stink? You mean an odor?” Uhh… do I wanna know?

10:36 PM: “Something stinks.” “Because it’s an odor.” Oh, you…

10:36 PM: Apparently, all the awesome stuff happens in District 9, judging by the constant overheads of a shanty town.

10:37 PM: Daisuke gets all the chicks. srsly – he’s the essence of pimp, embodied and crystallized.

10:38 PM: “Everyone’s getting the flu lately.” OMG SWINE FLU :O

10:39 PM: Clair’s an arrogant dick. And a sociopath.

10:39 PM: Who just jammed a grenade into a lower mafia boss’s mouth.

10:40 PM: Obvious plot is obvious – “KILL HIM!”

10:40 PM: Mafia hits are go.

10:41 PM: In other words, it’s a typical day in Providence… or something. ;)

10:41 PM: OMG Old Japanese guy in cowboy hat again!

10:41 PM: I love him ’cause he’s manly enough to pull off a pink cowboy hat.

10:41 PM: Photo girl again.

10:41 PM: I’m seeing a pattern.

10:42 PM: Monica’s a snitch… you really had to figure that.

10:44 PM: The plot thickens: Looks like Vampire 1 was napalmed to death… and J can stop dead in place after running 200 mph

10:46 PM: “The main ingredient is gasoline.” The other ingredient? Styrofoam! :D

10:46 PM: blah blah air pollution blah blah funny odor

10:47 PM: Apparently, Daisuke’s shades are more than just 1985-chic. They’re actually useful :o

10:48 PM: Clair sees the leprachaun and it tells him to burn things, apparently.

10:49 PM: Schpeltiger go! Chase the tanker carrying napalm!

10:50 PM: With really bad CG, to boot!

10:50 PM: “Bulletproof tires?!” how is that even… Don’t tell me, I don’t wanna know

10:51 PM: More talk of illegal immigrants.

10:51 PM: “Napalm, what’s that? T_T” …uhhh… yeah… in the future, everybody is oblivious, apparently.

10:52 PM: “Shoot the truck to stop it.”

10:53 PM: …apparently, video game writers handled scripting.

10:53 PM: yay for physics defying shots that cause huge damage!

10:53 PM: J fight go!

10:54 PM: “is this a comic book?!” …close enough?

10:55 PM: J looks like a metal gorilla without skin.

10:55 PM: A really bad CG metal gorilla

10:56 PM: Apparently, cowboy Japanese guy is the Godfather

10:56 PM: Epic.

10:58 PM: After two episodes… my opinions still stand. that’s a good thing. It’s pretty consistent in its setup.

10:59 PM: However, the show really needs to ramp up to rise above “OK” and into the realm of “good.”

Heat Guy J is distributed in America by FUNimation.
The series can be purchased at Right Stuf

Thanks to FUNimation for providing a review copy!