The content of this piece was written on a viewing of the first episode of Sands of Destruction on February 3, 2010. Edits have been made for spelling and grammar, but the rest is completely untouched, and un-edited from the original Twitter feed.
9:26 PM: Tonight’s feature: Sands of Destruction! The anime, based on the RPG by Sega!
9:26 PM: It’s got a reputation for being godawful already. Hey… should the DVD case give off stink lines?
9:26 PM: Anyway, the usual background info
9:27 PM: Animated by Production I.G., directed by Shunsuke Tada.
9:27 PM: Ran on TV Tokyo and AT-X from July 7, 2008 to September 30, 2008.
9:29 PM: “A Planet where the seas are filled with sand/A world where beasts live as men/A world where men are ruled by beasts”
9:29 PM: …this isn’t porno, is it? :I Anyway, I digress
9:30 PM: Holy crap is that a horse man?
9:31 PM: And a lion guy?
9:31 PM: “Unfortunately, I’m the kind of hero who DOESN’T save the world.” Oh ffs…
9:31 PM: And he’s an alcoholic teddy bear. That’s… … nice
9:32 PM: man with cat ears and a giant ferretman… epic.
9:33 PM: “I ordered the WHALE” … … this is terrible dialogue
9:33 PM: “how’s about you and me-” oh god it IS a porno D:
9:33 PM: Girl walkin out on the stormtroopers..
9:34 PM: Who wields a bat’leth
9:34 PM: Opening? Techno!
9:35 PM: Bad techno!
9:35 PM: …why do I get the feeling that the intro’s the best part of this show?
9:35 PM:RAWKIN GUITAR kicks in! >_<\\_//
9:36 PM: Apparently, this girl can swing a huge bat’leth fast enough to deflect five machine guns.
9:36 PM: …there goes the store
9:37 PM: Holy crap, a mentally challenged rhino man with permenant “:D” face!
9:37 PM: Back to teddy the drunk.
9:38 PM: Being hired by a kid… with moneys.
9:38 PM: Evil cat man with a pink shirt!
9:38 PM: And an okama inflection!
9:38 PM: …my brain suddenly hurts
9:38 PM: “MEOWSSIR!”
9:38 PM: “Why would a human work in a beastman cafe?” Cash money?
9:38 PM: …
9:39 PM: Yep…cash money.
9:40 PM: “How did you know my name? T_T” Uhhh… wanted posters? >_>A-DUH?!
9:40 PM: “I’M 16! There’s a BIG DIFFERENCE between 16 and 17!” Oh, I get it. It’s funny because women are concerned about their ages.
9:41 PM: ha…ha… god, this sucks
9:41 PM: “What IS the World Destruction group?” …hmmmm~ obvious plot device is obvious
9:42 PM: “We’re just wanderers passing through :D” No, she’s not a danger… he just wields a fucking Klingon armament!
9:43 PM: Elder stares at the two… one of which, again, WIELDING A BAT’LETH, and offers them a night in his village. Brilliant!
9:44 PM: Ohhh… I get it. Kyrie’s a glutton! :O ’cause boys like to eat! haha ha… Is this over yet?
9:44 PM: “Where are you going? :D” “To destroy the world T_T”
9:45 PM: “All I’m interested in is smashing this ridiculous world to pieces.” …oh god, she’s an emo too!
9:46 PM: “You should probably wait it out… until the end of the world comes.” ugh..
9:47 PM: Shout out to @animealmanac – be glad you skipped this show. It’s one of the most retarded things I’ve ever seen!
9:47 PM: “And I won’t let anybody stand in my-” “SNXXXXXXXXX” ha… ha… sleeping when he’s supposed to be listening. ’cause guys do that.
9:48 PM: Eyecatch!
9:48 PM: wait…
9:48 PM: THAT’S ONLY HALF AN EPISODE?! OH COME ON! D:
9:49 PM: okama cats are here to take emo-wench
9:49 PM: hooray… or not
9:49 PM: “She didn’t eat the sand jellyfish?! D:” wtf.
9:49 PM: how obvious does this show get?
9:50 PM: “Someting terrible is about to happen D:”
9:50 PM: so… they’re sacrificing the dude now? Guess this god isn’t very picky.
9:51 PM: “Meowgolus meowgolus meow meow meow!” Translation: “We paid a writer 20 bucks and got this!”
9:52 PM: …ewwwww. Kyrie eating monster spit. This show just got even MORE unappealing
9:52 PM: not just any monster. A Giant, SPERM shaped monster.
9:52 PM: Bat’leth girl comes to save the day :O
9:53 PM: …doesn’t help that this show is butt-ugly, to boot
9:53 PM: Girl v. Spermbeast GO!
9:53 PM: My money is on the girl, but I want the spermbeasts to eat her
9:54 PM: Would’ve made this show MUCH shorter
9:54 PM: …yep. Spermbeasts got gunned down by the mercs
9:54 PM: Back to alcoholic teddy!
9:54 PM: Mercenaries have knives… they gon’ cut ya!
9:55 PM: At least the fight scenes look pretty good
9:55 PM: nice animation, actually pretty slick
9:55 PM: And the fun is over
9:56 PM: Apparently, the sperm beasts are mouths on… a vaginapus? ‘_’ wtf, Japan
9:56 PM: “Are you hurt little girl?” Uhhh, that’s not… oh screw it -_-
9:57 PM: Yay! Doomsday device is coming to live!
9:57 PM: to life, too!
9:57 PM: And the vagoopus is angry
9:58 PM: Obvious plot twist again – Kyrie can activate the magic death ball
9:59 PM: And they’re off to new adventures!
9:59 PM: The bear’s gonna cut a bitch
9:59 PM: “What do we do now?” “We’re going to destroy the world!”
9:59 PM: FINALLY the end credits. :)
10:01 PM: Actually, a pretty nice soft rock melody..
10:02 PM: Looks like it’s Memory of the Wind ~to the end of the world~ by Aimmy
10:03 PM: Verdict: This. Show. SUCKS.
10:04 PM: Absolutely STUPID plot, crappy characters, and cringeworthy writing all come together for this one.
10:04 PM: You really couldn’t pay me to watch more of this.
10:05 PM: I mean, sheeze, Sega… why couldn’t you just be awesome and commission an anime based on Phantasy Star 4? That would’ve been awesome.
10:06 PM: sigh… Oh well. I feel sorry for the poor soul who happens on this turd.
Sands of Destruction is is distributed in America by FUNimation.
Thanks to FUNimation for providing a review copy!